This just in!
Bank Unclaimed Funds.
Dear Friend,
Confindential
I am contacting you in regards to a business transfer of a huge sum of money from a deceased account. Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make anyone apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day. I decided to contact you due to the urgency of this transaction.
I am a banker by profession in BURKINA FASO, WEST AFRICA and currently holding the post of bill and exchange manager at the foreign remittance department of (BOA) Bank of Africa. I have the opportunity to meet unclaimed funds of ($25.5 Million Dollars) belong to our deceased customer who died along with his entire family in a plane crash.
Hence; I am inviting you for a business deal where this money can be shared between us in the ratio of 50/50 if you agree to my business proposal. Further details of the transfer will be forwarded to you as soon as I receive your urgent mail.as you knows, every bank have their process for transfer.
Please indicate your willingness by sending your information for more clarification and easy communication, Your full name, Your telephone and fax numbers, enable me process the application form which I will send to you, bearing the deceased customers informations, which you will be glad to have.
I am waiting to hear from you, If you are interested.
Remain Bless.
Best Regards,
Mr.Abdel.Z.Omar.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
The Wrong Book Shop!
A fan went into a book shop in China to buy a copy of my new book and was surprised to be told by the manager that he "was in the wrong f@@king book store".
The fan was a bit upset, until he went outside and looked up at the sign above the shop.
The fan was a bit upset, until he went outside and looked up at the sign above the shop.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Money From Nigeria! Yippee!
FROM WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER.
FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA/ADDRESS 455 AGBOKOU,ANKPA ROAD
WEB SITE.WWW.WESTERNUNION.COM
DIRECTOR(MR.DAVID JOHNSON) OFFICER INCHARGE
TELL: + 234 706 0646 807
EMAIL(western_moneytransferdepartment1@hotmail.com)
INTERNATIONAL NETWORK
Attention: Beneficiary,
This is to notify you about the latest development concerning all the payment that are left in our custody which yours are inclusive,besides your were given a bill of $750 in order to receive your payment of which we didn’t hear from you for sometime now....
Hence, our western union Head office is now offering a Special bonus to help all our customers that are having their payment in our custody due to high price of the $750. In order to obtain some certificate words we are now requesting that those involve should pay only the sum of $50. 00 to receive all their payment abandoned in our custody.
Besides my dear, this is the opportunity for you to comply and have your funds transfer to your designated address without any further delay.
Note that after (4 working DAYS) you did not make the payment then we will divert your funds to Government Treasury,or we will cancel the payment for this year because this Special bonus is for this year only to help all our customers that are having their payment in our custody
Again after (4 DAYS ) We will enter A new project for next year and that is the reason why we decided to help all our customers with their outstanding payments before we enter into the new project.
Be advised to send the $50.00 immediately to enable us register your payment and for you to start receiving your $10,000 immediately.
After the payment of $50.00 you will start receiving your money every day $10,000(IN TWO HALFS $5000 EACH) through western union until your total fund of $850,000.00usd is completely transferred to you.
Send the $50.00 through western union Transfer with the information below,
Receiver's name______David Kaffo
Country== ___________Nigeria.
City=== _____________Lagos
Text Question== _____God
Answer==__________ is good
Amount=___________$50.00
You advice to send your payment information to our e-mail below (western_moneytransferdepartment1@hotmail.com) or you advice to call us on this number phone unless you will call + 234 706 0646 807
Be advise that there is no time again for we to call any person. so you advice to call us on this phone number + 234 706 0646 807 ,once you made the payment of $50.00
The moment we receive the payment of $50.00 we will release the first payment information of $5,000 each to you for your pick up, We look forward hearing from you soonest.
I wish you good luck.
Yours in service
Director (Mr David johnson) officer incharge !!!
FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA/ADDRESS 455 AGBOKOU,ANKPA ROAD
WEB SITE.WWW.WESTERNUNION.COM
DIRECTOR(MR.DAVID JOHNSON) OFFICER INCHARGE
TELL: + 234 706 0646 807
EMAIL(western_moneytransferdepartment1@hotmail.com)
INTERNATIONAL NETWORK
Attention: Beneficiary,
This is to notify you about the latest development concerning all the payment that are left in our custody which yours are inclusive,besides your were given a bill of $750 in order to receive your payment of which we didn’t hear from you for sometime now....
Hence, our western union Head office is now offering a Special bonus to help all our customers that are having their payment in our custody due to high price of the $750. In order to obtain some certificate words we are now requesting that those involve should pay only the sum of $50. 00 to receive all their payment abandoned in our custody.
Besides my dear, this is the opportunity for you to comply and have your funds transfer to your designated address without any further delay.
Note that after (4 working DAYS) you did not make the payment then we will divert your funds to Government Treasury,or we will cancel the payment for this year because this Special bonus is for this year only to help all our customers that are having their payment in our custody
Again after (4 DAYS ) We will enter A new project for next year and that is the reason why we decided to help all our customers with their outstanding payments before we enter into the new project.
Be advised to send the $50.00 immediately to enable us register your payment and for you to start receiving your $10,000 immediately.
After the payment of $50.00 you will start receiving your money every day $10,000(IN TWO HALFS $5000 EACH) through western union until your total fund of $850,000.00usd is completely transferred to you.
Send the $50.00 through western union Transfer with the information below,
Receiver's name______David Kaffo
Country== ___________Nigeria.
City=== _____________Lagos
Text Question== _____God
Answer==__________ is good
Amount=___________$50.00
You advice to send your payment information to our e-mail below (western_moneytransferdepartment1@hotmail.com) or you advice to call us on this number phone unless you will call + 234 706 0646 807
Be advise that there is no time again for we to call any person. so you advice to call us on this phone number + 234 706 0646 807 ,once you made the payment of $50.00
The moment we receive the payment of $50.00 we will release the first payment information of $5,000 each to you for your pick up, We look forward hearing from you soonest.
I wish you good luck.
Yours in service
Director (Mr David johnson) officer incharge !!!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Money From Quagadougou!
FROM THE DESK OF MR.PHILIPE TARA.
AUDITOR GENERAL IN AUDIT DEPARTMENT
BANQUE COMMERCIALE DU BURKINA (BCB)
OUAGADOUGOU-BURKINA FASO.
DEAR FRIEND,
GOOD DAY.
I AM THE AUDITOR GENERAL IN AUDIT UNIT OF BANQUE COMMERCIALE DU BURKINA (BCB) HERE IN OUAGADOUGOU , THE CAPITAL CITY OF BURKINA FASO SITUATED IN WESTERN AFRICA . IN MY DEPARTMENT WE DISCOVERED AN ABANDONED SUM OF US$7.5M DOLLARS (SEVEN MILLION TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) IN AN FIXED DORMANT ACCOUNT THAT BELONGS TO ONE OF OUR FOREIGN CUSTOMER A GERMAN CITIZEN WHO AMONG OTHERS ON BOARD THAT DIED ALONG WITH HIS ENTIRE FAMILY AND HIS SUPPOSE NEXT OF KIN ON MONDAY, 31ST OF JULY YEAR 2000,13:22 GMT 14:22 UK IN A PLANE CRASHED NEAR PARIS IN FRANCE. PLEASE VISIT THIS SITE BELOW AND SEE THE DETAILS OF THE CRASHED: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm
SINCE WE GOT THE INFORMATION ABOUT HIS DEATH, WE HAVE BEEN EXPECTING HIS NEXT OF KIN TO COME OVER AND CLAIM HIS MONEY BECAUSE WE CANNOT RELEASE IT UNLESS SOME BODY APPLIES FOR IT AS NEXT OF KIN OR RELATION TO THE DECEASED AS INDICATED IN OUR BANKING GUIDELINES AND IN THE FINACE LAW OF BURKINA FASO, BUT UNFORTUNATELY WE LEARNT THAT HIS SUPPOSED NEXT OF KIN DIED ALONG SIDE WITH HIM AT THE PLANE CRASHED LEAVING NOBODY BEHIND FOR THE CLAIM. IT IS THEREFORE UPON THIS DISCOVERY THAT I DECIDED TO MAKE THIS BUSINESS PROPOSAL TO YOU AND TO RELEASE THE MONEY TO YOU AS THE NEXT OF KIN OR RELATION TO THE DECEASED FOR SAFETY AND SUBSEQUENT DISBURSEMENT SINCE NOBODY IS COMING FOR IT AND WE DON'T WANT THIS MONEY TO GO INTO THE BANK TREASURY AS UNCLAIMED BILL.
THE REQUEST OF FOREIGNER AS NEXT OF KIN IN THIS BUSINESS IS OCCASIONED BY THE FACT THAT THE CUSTOMER WAS A FOREIGNER AND AN INDIGINE OF MY COUNTRY BURKINABEÉ ( BURKINA FASO ) CANNOT STAND AS NEXT OF KIN TO A FOREIGNER. AGREE THAT 50% OF THIS MONEY WILL BE FOR YOU AS IN RESPECT TO THE PROVISION OF A FOREIGN ACCOUNT/ASSISTANCE, 50% WOULD BE FOR ME THEREAFTER, I WILL VISIT YOUR COUNTRY FOR DISBURSEMENT ACCORDING TO THE PERCENTAGE INDICATED ABOVE. THEREFORE,TO ENABLE THE IMMEDIATE TRANSFER OF THIS FUND TO YOUR DESIGNATED BANK ACCOUNT, YOU MUST APPLY FIRST TO THE BANK AS A RELATION OR NEXT OF KIN OF THE DECEASED WITH A TEXT OF APPLICATION, SO I WILL LIKE YOU TO SEND TO ME YOUR BRIEF DETAILS SUCH AS:
1. FULL NAMES:
2. HOME/OFFICE ADDRESS:
3. COUNTRY OF ORIGIN (NATIONALITY):
4. CITY:
5. STATE:
4. SEX:
5. AGE:
6. MARITAL STATUS:
7. DIRECT CONTACT PHONE NUMBERS:
8. FAX NUMBER:
FOR EASY AND EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION AND LOCATION WHERE THE MONEY WILL BE REMITTED. UPON THE RECEIPT OF YOUR REPLY, I WILL SEND TO YOU BY FAX OR BY EMAIL THE TEXT OF THE APPLICATION THAT YOU WILL FILL AND SEND TO OUR BANK FOR CLAIMING THE MONEY AS THE BENEFICIARY/TRUSTEE TO THE DECEASED CUSTOMER SAID DEPOSIT, I WILL NOT FAIL TO BRING TO YOUR NOTICE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% RISK FREE AND THAT YOU SHOULD NOT ENTERTAIN ANY ATOM OF FEAR AS ALL REQUIRED ARRANGEMENTS HAVE BEEN MADE FOR THE SUCCESSFUL TRANSFER OF THE MONEY INTO YOUR NOMINATED BANK ACCOUNT.
TRUSTING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MR.PHILIPE TARA.
(AUDITOR-BCB)
AUDITOR GENERAL IN AUDIT DEPARTMENT
BANQUE COMMERCIALE DU BURKINA (BCB)
OUAGADOUGOU-BURKINA FASO.
DEAR FRIEND,
GOOD DAY.
I AM THE AUDITOR GENERAL IN AUDIT UNIT OF BANQUE COMMERCIALE DU BURKINA (BCB) HERE IN OUAGADOUGOU , THE CAPITAL CITY OF BURKINA FASO SITUATED IN WESTERN AFRICA . IN MY DEPARTMENT WE DISCOVERED AN ABANDONED SUM OF US$7.5M DOLLARS (SEVEN MILLION TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) IN AN FIXED DORMANT ACCOUNT THAT BELONGS TO ONE OF OUR FOREIGN CUSTOMER A GERMAN CITIZEN WHO AMONG OTHERS ON BOARD THAT DIED ALONG WITH HIS ENTIRE FAMILY AND HIS SUPPOSE NEXT OF KIN ON MONDAY, 31ST OF JULY YEAR 2000,13:22 GMT 14:22 UK IN A PLANE CRASHED NEAR PARIS IN FRANCE. PLEASE VISIT THIS SITE BELOW AND SEE THE DETAILS OF THE CRASHED: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm
SINCE WE GOT THE INFORMATION ABOUT HIS DEATH, WE HAVE BEEN EXPECTING HIS NEXT OF KIN TO COME OVER AND CLAIM HIS MONEY BECAUSE WE CANNOT RELEASE IT UNLESS SOME BODY APPLIES FOR IT AS NEXT OF KIN OR RELATION TO THE DECEASED AS INDICATED IN OUR BANKING GUIDELINES AND IN THE FINACE LAW OF BURKINA FASO, BUT UNFORTUNATELY WE LEARNT THAT HIS SUPPOSED NEXT OF KIN DIED ALONG SIDE WITH HIM AT THE PLANE CRASHED LEAVING NOBODY BEHIND FOR THE CLAIM. IT IS THEREFORE UPON THIS DISCOVERY THAT I DECIDED TO MAKE THIS BUSINESS PROPOSAL TO YOU AND TO RELEASE THE MONEY TO YOU AS THE NEXT OF KIN OR RELATION TO THE DECEASED FOR SAFETY AND SUBSEQUENT DISBURSEMENT SINCE NOBODY IS COMING FOR IT AND WE DON'T WANT THIS MONEY TO GO INTO THE BANK TREASURY AS UNCLAIMED BILL.
THE REQUEST OF FOREIGNER AS NEXT OF KIN IN THIS BUSINESS IS OCCASIONED BY THE FACT THAT THE CUSTOMER WAS A FOREIGNER AND AN INDIGINE OF MY COUNTRY BURKINABEÉ ( BURKINA FASO ) CANNOT STAND AS NEXT OF KIN TO A FOREIGNER. AGREE THAT 50% OF THIS MONEY WILL BE FOR YOU AS IN RESPECT TO THE PROVISION OF A FOREIGN ACCOUNT/ASSISTANCE, 50% WOULD BE FOR ME THEREAFTER, I WILL VISIT YOUR COUNTRY FOR DISBURSEMENT ACCORDING TO THE PERCENTAGE INDICATED ABOVE. THEREFORE,TO ENABLE THE IMMEDIATE TRANSFER OF THIS FUND TO YOUR DESIGNATED BANK ACCOUNT, YOU MUST APPLY FIRST TO THE BANK AS A RELATION OR NEXT OF KIN OF THE DECEASED WITH A TEXT OF APPLICATION, SO I WILL LIKE YOU TO SEND TO ME YOUR BRIEF DETAILS SUCH AS:
1. FULL NAMES:
2. HOME/OFFICE ADDRESS:
3. COUNTRY OF ORIGIN (NATIONALITY):
4. CITY:
5. STATE:
4. SEX:
5. AGE:
6. MARITAL STATUS:
7. DIRECT CONTACT PHONE NUMBERS:
8. FAX NUMBER:
FOR EASY AND EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION AND LOCATION WHERE THE MONEY WILL BE REMITTED. UPON THE RECEIPT OF YOUR REPLY, I WILL SEND TO YOU BY FAX OR BY EMAIL THE TEXT OF THE APPLICATION THAT YOU WILL FILL AND SEND TO OUR BANK FOR CLAIMING THE MONEY AS THE BENEFICIARY/TRUSTEE TO THE DECEASED CUSTOMER SAID DEPOSIT, I WILL NOT FAIL TO BRING TO YOUR NOTICE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% RISK FREE AND THAT YOU SHOULD NOT ENTERTAIN ANY ATOM OF FEAR AS ALL REQUIRED ARRANGEMENTS HAVE BEEN MADE FOR THE SUCCESSFUL TRANSFER OF THE MONEY INTO YOUR NOMINATED BANK ACCOUNT.
TRUSTING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MR.PHILIPE TARA.
(AUDITOR-BCB)
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Money From Muhammad!
This just in! Must be my lucky day!
Hello,
I am contacting you in good faith and this proposal will be of mutual benefit for us.I have a business proposal in the tune of GBP122,500.000.00-[One Hundred & Twenty Two Million Five Hundred Thousand British Pounds Sterling} to be transferred to any safe account with your assistance. I have every possibility & advantages for the proceeds of this account to be paid to you and then both of us can share the money, Can I trust you on this?
I guarantee that this will be executed under a concrete special arrangement that will protect you from any breach of law. I will not fail to bring to your notice that this transaction is hitch-free and you should not entertain any fears as the required arrangements have been made for the completion of this transfer.
This money was secretly placed for an Investment If you can be a collaborator to this transaction, please indicate your positive interest immediately for us to proceed. Remember this is absolutely confidential because my Bank does not know about it. Your contact phone numbers and name will be necessary for this effect.
Brief details of yourself........
I look forward to hearing from you.
Kind Regards.
Mr. Fahad Afellay Muhammad
Credit Accounting Officer,
Lloyds TSB Bank
Hello,
I am contacting you in good faith and this proposal will be of mutual benefit for us.I have a business proposal in the tune of GBP122,500.000.00-[One Hundred & Twenty Two Million Five Hundred Thousand British Pounds Sterling} to be transferred to any safe account with your assistance. I have every possibility & advantages for the proceeds of this account to be paid to you and then both of us can share the money, Can I trust you on this?
I guarantee that this will be executed under a concrete special arrangement that will protect you from any breach of law. I will not fail to bring to your notice that this transaction is hitch-free and you should not entertain any fears as the required arrangements have been made for the completion of this transfer.
This money was secretly placed for an Investment If you can be a collaborator to this transaction, please indicate your positive interest immediately for us to proceed. Remember this is absolutely confidential because my Bank does not know about it. Your contact phone numbers and name will be necessary for this effect.
Brief details of yourself........
I look forward to hearing from you.
Kind Regards.
Mr. Fahad Afellay Muhammad
Credit Accounting Officer,
Lloyds TSB Bank
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Money From Zimbabwe!
This just in!
From the Desk of J. Howard
Re: Letter of Mutual Business Cooperation.
With all due respect, I write this personal letter to you proposing a mutual business relationship. My name is James Howard, a British born geologist and a mining consultant currently operating in Zimbabwe.
Under a confidential arrangement, I facilitated, negotiated and successfully sold a landed property with enormous mineral deposits in Matebaland section of Zimbabwe to Southern Minerals, a Chinese mineral exploration and mining company also based in Zimbabwe for the sum of ($25-Million-U.S-dollars). This property belongs to the family of Mr. Peter Landos whose details you shall get to know.
Mr. Peter Landos is in a serious critical medical situation and wishes to relocate the funds and possibly his family to your country for investment purposes and resettlement. I am writing this email primarily to establish a business relationship between you and Mr. Peter Landos in order to have you perform the role of a facilitator to the transfer the sum of ($25-Million-U.S-dollars). to a secure and reliable bank account belonging to you or your company in your country where it will be made available for investment purposes and additionally to source and identify lucrative investment portfolios where the funds shall be invested on
Currently Mr. Peter Landos is undergoing surgery and receiving medical treatments in an intensive care unit in Johannesburg. (Details to be provided subsequently) He desires that for all of these services, you shall be compensated with 20% of the total funds. Please contact him directly and request comprehensive details of this offer and his personal profile. His email address is peterlandos7@bk.ru and his phone number +27 743261766 . Ensure that you contact him urgently and provide him valuable information about you and how to reestablish contact with you in pursuant of this business concern.
Do ensure that this matter is kept highly confidential.
Please do not contact me rather contact him strictly on peterlandos7@bk.ru and his phone number is +27 743261766 since he is the one who direct needs your services.
Thanks,
James Howard
This email and any attachments may be confidential or legally privileged. If you received this message in error or are not the intended recipient, kindly destroy the email message and any attachments or copies. We would be most grateful if you could inform us of the erroneous delivery by return. Thank you!
From the Desk of J. Howard
Re: Letter of Mutual Business Cooperation.
With all due respect, I write this personal letter to you proposing a mutual business relationship. My name is James Howard, a British born geologist and a mining consultant currently operating in Zimbabwe.
Under a confidential arrangement, I facilitated, negotiated and successfully sold a landed property with enormous mineral deposits in Matebaland section of Zimbabwe to Southern Minerals, a Chinese mineral exploration and mining company also based in Zimbabwe for the sum of ($25-Million-U.S-dollars). This property belongs to the family of Mr. Peter Landos whose details you shall get to know.
Mr. Peter Landos is in a serious critical medical situation and wishes to relocate the funds and possibly his family to your country for investment purposes and resettlement. I am writing this email primarily to establish a business relationship between you and Mr. Peter Landos in order to have you perform the role of a facilitator to the transfer the sum of ($25-Million-U.S-dollars). to a secure and reliable bank account belonging to you or your company in your country where it will be made available for investment purposes and additionally to source and identify lucrative investment portfolios where the funds shall be invested on
Currently Mr. Peter Landos is undergoing surgery and receiving medical treatments in an intensive care unit in Johannesburg. (Details to be provided subsequently) He desires that for all of these services, you shall be compensated with 20% of the total funds. Please contact him directly and request comprehensive details of this offer and his personal profile. His email address is peterlandos7@bk.ru and his phone number +27 743261766 . Ensure that you contact him urgently and provide him valuable information about you and how to reestablish contact with you in pursuant of this business concern.
Do ensure that this matter is kept highly confidential.
Please do not contact me rather contact him strictly on peterlandos7@bk.ru and his phone number is +27 743261766 since he is the one who direct needs your services.
Thanks,
James Howard
This email and any attachments may be confidential or legally privileged. If you received this message in error or are not the intended recipient, kindly destroy the email message and any attachments or copies. We would be most grateful if you could inform us of the erroneous delivery by return. Thank you!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Teaching Maths In Britain
This was just sent to me. Yes, it's funny, but sadly it is also very close to what is really happening in the UK...
1. Teaching Maths In 1970
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100..
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.
What is his profit?
2. Teaching Maths In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is 80% of the price.
What is his profit?
3. Teaching Maths In 1990
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80.
How much was his profit?
4. Teaching Maths In 2000
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20.
Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
5. Teaching Maths In 2005
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and
inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habit of animals or the
preservation of our woodlands.
Your assignment: Discuss how the birds and squirrels might feel as the
logger cut down their homes just for a measly profit of £20.
6.. Teaching Maths In 2009
A logger is arrested for trying to cut down a tree in case it may be
offensive to Muslims or other religious groups not consulted in the
felling licence. He is also fined a £100 as his chainsaw is in breach
of Health and Safety legislation as it deemed too dangerous and could
cut something.. He has used the chainsaw for over 20 years without
incident however he does not have the correct certificate of competence
and is therefore considered to be a recidivist and habitual criminal.
His DNA is sampled and his details circulated throughout all government
agencies. He protests and is taken to court and fined another £100
because he is such an easy target.
When he is released he returns to find Gypsies have cut down half his
wood to build a camp on his land. He tries to throw them off but is
arrested, prosecuted for harassing an ethnic minority, imprisoned and
fined a further £100. While he is in jail again the Gypsies cut down
the rest of his wood and sell it on the black market for £100 cash.
They also have a departure BBQ of squirrel and pheasant and leave
behind several tonnes of rubbish and asbestos sheeting.
The forester on release is warned that failure to clear the fly tipped
rubbish immediately at his own cost is an offence. He complains and is
arrested for environmental pollution, breach of the peace and invoiced
£12,000 plus VAT for safe disposal costs by a regulated government
contractor.
Your assignment: How many times is the logger going to have to be
arrested and fined before he realises that he is never going to make
£20 profit by hard work, give up, sign onto the dole and live off the
state for the rest of his life?
7. Teaching Maths In 2010
A logger doesn’t sell a lorry load of timber because he can’t get a
loan to buy a new lorry because his bank has spent all his and their
money on a derivative of securitised debt related to sub- prime
mortgages in Alabama and lost the lot with only some government money
left to pay a few million pound bonuses to their senior directors and
the traders who made the biggest losses.
The logger struggles to pay the £1,200 road tax on his old lorry
however, as it was built in the 1970s it no longer meets the emissions
regulations and he is forced to scrap it.
Some Bulgarian loggers buy the lorry from the scrap merchant and put
it back on the road. They undercut everyone on price for haulage and
send their cash back home, while claiming unemployment for themselves
and their relatives. If questioned they speak no English and it is
easier to deport them at the governments expense. Following their
holiday back home they return to the UK with different names and fresh
girls and start again. The logger protests, is accused of being a
bigoted racist and as his name is on the side of his old lorry he is
forced to pay £1,500 registration fees as a gang master.
The Government borrows more money to pay more to the bankers as
bonus's are not cheap. The parliamentarians feel they are missing out
and claim the difference on expenses and allowances.
You do the maths..
8. Teaching Maths 2017
أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخشب من اجل 100 دولار. صاحب تكلفة
لانتاج 80 من All of the company's business is conducted
according to the British International Freight Association standard
trading conditions (2005A) in the case of Freight Forwarding business;
the Institute of Chartered Shipbrokers standard trading conditions
(2007) in the case of Ship's Agency business; the Road Haulage
Association Limited conditions of carriage (2009) in the case of Road
Haulage business; the United Kingdom Warehousing Association contract
conditions for logistics (2006) in the case of Warehousing business and
if the goods are being handle d by a third party carrier then in
accordance with the terms of business of that carrier.
In the event of any conflict between the terms and conditions of the
third party carrier and the other above conditions, Warrant Group
Limited will determine in its absolute discretion which of the terms
and conditions shall prevail. A copy of the relevant terms and
conditions is available upon request.
By entering into any contract with Warrant Group Limited you will be
deemed to have knowledge of those terms and conditions and to have
accepted them to the exclusion of any terms and conditions you may
purport to impose on Warrant Group Limited.
Company Registration No. 1941659 England.
All of the company's business is conducted according to the British
International Freight Association standard trading conditions (2005A)
in the case of Freight Forwarding business; the Institute of Chartered
Shipbrokers standard trading conditions (2007) in the case of Ship's
Agency business; the Road Haulage Association Limited conditions of
carriage (2009) in the case of Road Haulage business; the United
Kingdom Warehousing Association contract conditions for logistics
(2006) in the case of Warehousing business and if the goods are being
handled by a&nb sp;third party carrier then in accordance with the
terms of business of that carrier.
In the event of any conflict between the terms and conditions of the
third party carrier and the other above conditions, Warrant Group
Limited will determine in its absolute discretion which of the terms
and conditions shall prevail. A copy of the relevant terms and
conditions is available upon request.
By entering into any contract with Warrant Group Limited you will be
deemed to have knowledge of those terms and conditions and to have
accepted them to the exclusion of any terms and conditions you may
purport to impose on Warrant Group Limited.
Company Registration No. 1941659 England.
1. Teaching Maths In 1970
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100..
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.
What is his profit?
2. Teaching Maths In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is 80% of the price.
What is his profit?
3. Teaching Maths In 1990
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80.
How much was his profit?
4. Teaching Maths In 2000
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20.
Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
5. Teaching Maths In 2005
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and
inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habit of animals or the
preservation of our woodlands.
Your assignment: Discuss how the birds and squirrels might feel as the
logger cut down their homes just for a measly profit of £20.
6.. Teaching Maths In 2009
A logger is arrested for trying to cut down a tree in case it may be
offensive to Muslims or other religious groups not consulted in the
felling licence. He is also fined a £100 as his chainsaw is in breach
of Health and Safety legislation as it deemed too dangerous and could
cut something.. He has used the chainsaw for over 20 years without
incident however he does not have the correct certificate of competence
and is therefore considered to be a recidivist and habitual criminal.
His DNA is sampled and his details circulated throughout all government
agencies. He protests and is taken to court and fined another £100
because he is such an easy target.
When he is released he returns to find Gypsies have cut down half his
wood to build a camp on his land. He tries to throw them off but is
arrested, prosecuted for harassing an ethnic minority, imprisoned and
fined a further £100. While he is in jail again the Gypsies cut down
the rest of his wood and sell it on the black market for £100 cash.
They also have a departure BBQ of squirrel and pheasant and leave
behind several tonnes of rubbish and asbestos sheeting.
The forester on release is warned that failure to clear the fly tipped
rubbish immediately at his own cost is an offence. He complains and is
arrested for environmental pollution, breach of the peace and invoiced
£12,000 plus VAT for safe disposal costs by a regulated government
contractor.
Your assignment: How many times is the logger going to have to be
arrested and fined before he realises that he is never going to make
£20 profit by hard work, give up, sign onto the dole and live off the
state for the rest of his life?
7. Teaching Maths In 2010
A logger doesn’t sell a lorry load of timber because he can’t get a
loan to buy a new lorry because his bank has spent all his and their
money on a derivative of securitised debt related to sub- prime
mortgages in Alabama and lost the lot with only some government money
left to pay a few million pound bonuses to their senior directors and
the traders who made the biggest losses.
The logger struggles to pay the £1,200 road tax on his old lorry
however, as it was built in the 1970s it no longer meets the emissions
regulations and he is forced to scrap it.
Some Bulgarian loggers buy the lorry from the scrap merchant and put
it back on the road. They undercut everyone on price for haulage and
send their cash back home, while claiming unemployment for themselves
and their relatives. If questioned they speak no English and it is
easier to deport them at the governments expense. Following their
holiday back home they return to the UK with different names and fresh
girls and start again. The logger protests, is accused of being a
bigoted racist and as his name is on the side of his old lorry he is
forced to pay £1,500 registration fees as a gang master.
The Government borrows more money to pay more to the bankers as
bonus's are not cheap. The parliamentarians feel they are missing out
and claim the difference on expenses and allowances.
You do the maths..
8. Teaching Maths 2017
أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخشب من اجل 100 دولار. صاحب تكلفة
لانتاج 80 من All of the company's business is conducted
according to the British International Freight Association standard
trading conditions (2005A) in the case of Freight Forwarding business;
the Institute of Chartered Shipbrokers standard trading conditions
(2007) in the case of Ship's Agency business; the Road Haulage
Association Limited conditions of carriage (2009) in the case of Road
Haulage business; the United Kingdom Warehousing Association contract
conditions for logistics (2006) in the case of Warehousing business and
if the goods are being handle d by a third party carrier then in
accordance with the terms of business of that carrier.
In the event of any conflict between the terms and conditions of the
third party carrier and the other above conditions, Warrant Group
Limited will determine in its absolute discretion which of the terms
and conditions shall prevail. A copy of the relevant terms and
conditions is available upon request.
By entering into any contract with Warrant Group Limited you will be
deemed to have knowledge of those terms and conditions and to have
accepted them to the exclusion of any terms and conditions you may
purport to impose on Warrant Group Limited.
Company Registration No. 1941659 England.
All of the company's business is conducted according to the British
International Freight Association standard trading conditions (2005A)
in the case of Freight Forwarding business; the Institute of Chartered
Shipbrokers standard trading conditions (2007) in the case of Ship's
Agency business; the Road Haulage Association Limited conditions of
carriage (2009) in the case of Road Haulage business; the United
Kingdom Warehousing Association contract conditions for logistics
(2006) in the case of Warehousing business and if the goods are being
handled by a&nb sp;third party carrier then in accordance with the
terms of business of that carrier.
In the event of any conflict between the terms and conditions of the
third party carrier and the other above conditions, Warrant Group
Limited will determine in its absolute discretion which of the terms
and conditions shall prevail. A copy of the relevant terms and
conditions is available upon request.
By entering into any contract with Warrant Group Limited you will be
deemed to have knowledge of those terms and conditions and to have
accepted them to the exclusion of any terms and conditions you may
purport to impose on Warrant Group Limited.
Company Registration No. 1941659 England.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
